The Photo in question
how do I start this?
A friend pulled me aside at a party last month and asked if I was dating anyone. I said I wasn't, and she said "You should!!" We figured out that many happily married couples we knew met online, so we thought the plan should be that I try e-harmony. Good idea but my budget doesn't allow for that. So I tried one that brags about having a lot of members.
I sign up then browse the profiles of the men in my age range and quickly realize there's no one "my type" there.
Within a day, a nice guy has written me and is the first to receive a reply from me. We correspond on the site for two weeks, talk on the phone once for four hours, then exchange personal emails for a couple days. We meet for one date and both recognize there's no chemistry. After our mini golf game, he asked if I wanted to get some wine. He drove, and before I got in the car, I said, "YOU'RE NOT A PSYCHO KILLER, ARE YOU??"
In the car, he turned to me and said, "You know, you REALLY SHOULDN'T ASK SOMEONE THAT." And still, I thought nothing of it. (Now..your mind may jump ahead and think that he turned out to be a killer. He wasn't. I'm alive. But he's got somethin' missing.)
He wrote to me a day or so later and said that I needed to change my photo on the dating site because I look nothing like that photo. (He's dead wrong. Oops..I don't mean dead. I mean he's wrong. It was taken of me a few months ago and is me - with fabulously straight hair that I can't recreate unless I'm in my stylist's chair by which I mean SHE gives me the straight hair that's amazing.)
Thus begins the Week of Critical Emails. By today, I realized that the guy (ahem, man, as he's in his mid-forties) had a fixation on my straight-hair-photo and had criticized everything about me from my cell phone provider to my sunglasses. Nice guy, eh? Wait, there's MORE!
His criticisms of me included the following:
- My hair wasn't straight enough
- I should have been wearing sunglasses on our date
- My clothes were ugly
- My car is too old
- "You should work out. You'll feel better." (hint: I can kick his butt. I work out four+ times a week and am quite healthy. but because I'm not a size four, he thinks that I am worn out and tired and lazy)
There's so much more but it's too tiring to list.
The kicker (email) arrived moments ago. His final words to me were this.....in all caps exactly as I'll show you: